How can I lose track of my bearings so easily? Somewhere in the middle of trying to be a good Mom, a good friend, a productive person- I lose it. I'm snapping at people- I'm trying to get back at the car that drove in front of me by tailing him, I'm completely beside myself as to how to discipline my almost three year old when she refuses to share (seriously...how many times will we go over this issue?)
But maybe that's just it. My sweet girl has her moments of sharing- incredible, generous moments when she shares a bite of food with her brother or a toy with her best friend. But always there is this miniature selfish human nature side in her that collides with her goodwill and demands it's own way eventually.
And I'm the exact same way. Trouble is- I don't have someone to punish me with time outs, or sit me down and look me straight in the face and say, "Carrye...you really overreacted back there. Your friend was just trying to give you some helpful advice on childcare and you were so stubborn and angry for no reason- you really threw a fit. Don't you think your friend cares about you? Do you think you made your friend happy or sad? Why don't you sit for 5 minutes and think about what you did."
Or maybe, "Geesh, Carrye. Look at you. You are so cranky. You can't say one word without whining - I really think you need a rest. A real rest. I know you've got 50 things you want to do- but none of it matters if you can't do it with joy. Stop everything and just chill out for an hour. See if the world doesn't look a little brighter then."
I haven't been taking the time to rest- I'm not hearing God's voice the way I sometimes can- probably because I'm too busy taking charge of things myself. No, we don't have time outs and "rest times" built into our day- but the Bible is always showing me what I could be- what closeness with Jesus can look like- and so often it is simply a matter of stopping, broken and pliable, at his feet before picking up my cross.